DEAR GRANDDADDY- A Teen, Parent, and Educator Advice Column BLOG #64

Dear Granddaddy, my kid wants a lock for his bedroom door. What should I do? Missy S. -mom

Bestselling and award-winning author, speaker, educator, and TV host.


Well, Missy, I grew up without a lock on my bedroom door. I’m assuming you did, too. We turned out okay without locks on our bedroom doors, so I imagine our kids will too.

You see, there used to be a pecking order. Parents were first in the family. Kids were second. The children knew this, understood this, and respected this family dynamic. Most children knew they had to put in their time, and they didn’t think they were entitled to anything that their parent didn’t offer them first.

And to be honest with you, Missy, I wouldn’t have even dared ask my parents for a lock on my bedroom door because I already knew that the answer would be, “No!” And I also knew that I didn’t ask my parents for anything unless I already had money in my pocket to pay for it on my own.

Now, I know today is a different time. Kids have been put on a pedestal and feel entitled to a whole lot. But that doesn’t mean that we have to give it to them. I also know that you want to be the best parent possible, so this is what I’m suggesting. Ask your son why he wants a lock on his door. When he gives you the answer, spend your time fixing that problem instead of putting a lock on his door.

If you’ve been barging into his room and he doesn’t appreciate it, then you need to stop doing that and begin knocking first. If his siblings have been taking his things, then you need to make them stop. If he doesn’t feel safe, then you need to find out why and fix it.

Missy, you’re going to have to do some detective work and problem solving here, okay? But you don’t have to put a lock on his bedroom door, nor cater to his every desire. In the end, you’ll be a good parent and you’ll earn more respect from him.

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Dan Blanchard is a bestselling and an award-winning author, speaker, and educator who has appeared in several of the world’s Top Ten Podcasts, and over 100 television and radio shows. He now also has a weekly TV show of his own. To find out more about Dan or to submit a question to him, please visit him on his website at: